Fork In The Road

There will be times of darkness in everyone's life when they know they are at a fork in the road, when you feel the tugging on your heart and know you have to make a decision on who you will serve. The prince of this world or Jesus Christ! What direction will you choose? Emotionally I was being attacked left and right from some very close people in my life. Through them I was being antagonized like never before and the enemy was pushing me more and more to the edge of giving up. So in one direction I was completely surrounded by darkness and I literally cried out asking God what was going on? In the other direction there was light and an invitation to explore peace, unconditional love, confidence to stand, self-esteem and an identity that no one or nothing on this side of life could dictate or take away. Deep down, I knew what was going on and I was stuck at that fork in the road. I knew Christ was tugging at my heart, because I have spent so many years of my life living through the identity of others, making them my God, and wavering back and forth between human and our one true God. I'm sure I'm not the only one that cries out to the Lord while going through serious trials in life and as soon as he would give me peace, I forgot about Him and would go back to serving human Gods and allowing circumstances with others to dictate my inner peace. There was a history of my being stonewalled if I didn't conform and I was intimidated all the time, giving in, while drifting deeper into that dark shell of a person. If I chose the light, I knew my identity would change and I would loose people (and I did), because most people only want you if you conform and become a footstool. Most dominate people feel less significant unless they are in complete control of a person emotionally. However, I knew I could not stay in the darkness that was consuming me. I just simply did not care anymore and knew a true authentic surrender in Christ would give me the peace I needed. In December 2016, I completely surrendered my life to Christ. Oh man, what a wonderful experience it was and still is! It was also the start of true self-awareness, transformation, and yes conviction. Because remember true change can’t come without first allowing God to start cleaning you up from the inside out! It was like God gave me a new pair of glasses to put on to not only see myself but also the world around me. I always knew God exist, but It's not the same as actually having a relationship with Him! One that only came with true belief and acceptance of His Son Jesus Christ into my heart as Lord and Savior John 3:16. He is real! This spiritual world is real! I challenge everyone to choose light versus darkness. Did all my problems go away! NO! But there a peace in the midst of it all like you wouldn't believe. I dealt with things and people better which gave different results in some situations. Not all, but I learned to stop trying to control, to let go and literally let God! I was able to start loving and self examining myself. We are always looking for change in others as the answer to our problems, but the answer is with God and self! Change starts with self and once God started convicting my spirit, I had no time to focus on the behavior of others. Self-awareness is rough but trust me it’s worth it, if you’re holding onto God’s hand in the midst of it. Spiritual battle is real, Satan didn’t want me to change and he don’t want you to change. He is doing everything he can to hinder mine and your purpose in Christ, but as stated in 2 Chronicles 20:17, “hold your position, stand still and see the Lords victory on your behalf.” No one knows what circumstances will lead to a day when nothing or no one else matters. You'll know without a doubt when you come to that fork in the road and like in Joshua 24:15, you will hear the Lord is saying "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve." What will your decision be?